The Worst Thing to Hear During Sex.


I suspect the Ex’s (She Who’s Name Must Never Be Spoken) favorite saying during the act was “Hurry up and get it over with.” Trust me, there are few things less inspiring. Unless, of course, it’s getting caught saying “I love you Diana” when you’re with Joan.

Has it happened to you? Your partner says something that totally ruins the mood?

Worse yet, have you been the offender?

If only there was a central clearing house for statements guaranteed to spoil the mood.  Then we could simply check to see of a casual comment is acceptable, or not.

So a public service, (and for your reading enjoyment) I’ve compiled a far from comprehensive list of thoughts best left unvoiced.

  1. Hang on a minute. I have to apply my yeast infection medicine.
  2. Crap. I think my husband just got home.
  3. You’re done already?
  4. Say ‘baa.’  Come on baby, do it.
  5. Captain’s log, stardate 18952.3…….?
  6. Hurry up. My parents will kill me if I’m not home by 10:30.
  7. I feel naughty.  Let’s play ‘Bush and Cheney.’
  8. You, uh… get tired quickly, don’t you?
  9. What is that flapping?
  10. A little to the left… I can’t see the TV.
  11. Could… you pass… my inhaler… please?
  12. You can’t tell I used to have a penis, can you?
  13. Watch it, Buddy. That’s my best training bra.
  14. I can’t wait to blog about this.
  15. Bet you’d have freaked if I told you this condom has a ten-year-old expiration date, huh?
  16. Wait a minute… your shoes are size 13.
  17. Gawd… you kiss like my Grandfather.
  18. It’s only a heat rash.
  19. Keep it down. My Dad’s a light sleeper.
  20. I don’t have to pay you now, do I?
  21. What’s that smell?
  22. Finally! Now I can tell Mom I’m not gay.
  23. Uh… what did you say your name was, again?
  24. We need to get back to the family reunion before they miss us.
  25. It’s working… IT’S WORKING!
  26. Hang on, I think your elbow is blocking the webcam.
  27. I haven’t felt this good since that day with Father O’Leary.
  28. Seriously, is it supposed to look like that?
  29. On second thought…. Lets turn the lights back off.
  30. My grandma died in this bed.

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One Response to “The Worst Thing to Hear During Sex.”

  1. Eternal Sunshine says:

    Oh my, these are hilarious!!

    And I’m quite sure some of them have actually been said in bedrooms heh

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