Will Anal Sex Make Me Poop Funny?

BLUESGUY:Here I am, sipping my coffee and checking e-mail. It’s a beautiful Saturday morning. Fortunately, I don’t have anything special planned for today, which gives me time to investigate a question in my in box.

One of the members of the HasAHeadache forum (who shall remain anonymous) has asked if she should be worried about anal sex. I presume this means she should be worried about any possible outcomes, rather than worrying about the lack of opportunity.

So, this morning I’m investigating anal sex.

Uh, more properly, I’ve been reading about anal sex. No true research is likely to be done in this area until they can teach lab rats to perform the act. (And what would motivate the rats? An extra ration of cheese?) My goodness, there certainly is a great deal of information on the web, isn’t there? And once an investigator gets past several search pages of porn site invitations, some medical opinions do become evident.

First, the stats: the Centers for Disease Control determined in a 2005 survey that 40 percent of men and 35 percent of women between the ages of 25 and 44 had engaged in heterosexual anal sex. Take a look around the room at your next social gathering. Nearly half of those people are statistically likely to be guilty.

Side Note: Sanguinista has posted that she looks over a room and rates the men present on a “worthy of doin’ it with” scale. And as much fun as that is, consider where your imagination will take you if you rate everyone present on an “anal-likely” scale.

But I digress. From my reading it appears that people try this once or twice, and then either decide they like it a lot and make it part of their sexual repertoire, or they don’t like it at all and never try it again. It seems that a significant number find penetrative anal sex to be highly pleasurable. So the upside is, it can feel good.

There are two major risks on the downside: physical damage and infections.

Under most conditions the rectum doesn’t stretch enough to be damaged. Time and patience can help a rectum to stretch, safely, but when rushed the elastic tissue will react like a rubber band stretched too far. Anal fissures, hemorrhoids, and even rectal prolapse are possible. This damage is more likely when alcohol has numbed the recipient, or when the sexual penetrator is clumsy or rushed. Go slow, and use LOTS of lube.

Then there are those infectious microorganisms in the colon which aren’t found anywhere else on the body. Without care, those organisms can be spread to the vagina, or even through torn elastic tissue into the bloodstream. Cleanliness is critical. Until Bristol-MeyerSquibb comes out with their new Dick Wipe Towelettes(TM), either wash thoroughly or use a condom. Or both.

But neither of those conditions is the actual fear, is it? What my correspondent wanted to know, (and what you’re secretly wondering too, admit it) is whether regular anal sex will stretch the anus and make incontinence more likely. After all, it’s hardly sexy to need a diaper when one goes out in public. Trips to the beach can become traumatic with Depends poking out from under the bikini.

Again, science provides the answer.

The American Journal of Gastroenterology in 1997 found no difference between homosexual men who engaged in anal sex, and heterosexual men who did not. At least, not when it comes to incontinence. They also reported that the recipients of anal penetration were no more likely to be flatulent. I suspect that age is a greater factor than sexual orientation.

When incontinence is the topic, the best advice may be that which Jack Nicholson gave to Morgan Freeman in The Bucket List: “Never trust a fart.”

Conclusion: if you enjoy it, do it.

Stop worrying about the size of your orifice. Anal sex will not lead to anal leakage, incontinence, or flatulence. Anal sex will only lead to pleasure if done carefully, or discomfort if not.

Do it safely, do it with someone you trust, and like most potential relationship issues, communicate, communicate, communicate.

And if you can’t stop worrying, do a few kegels.

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