I started thinking about this the other day.  J made some comment when we were talking about my sister about it not necessarily helping waiting for years and years - because then when you find someone, you're not all that intersted.

Now, he is 6 years older than me so there's an age difference.  But he waited until he was in a long term relationship and that was when he was 25.  And then his ex just wasn't interested - irregular and sparse for 6months and none therafter.  So he learnt how to do without and he doesn't really notice if we have a "drought" like I do.

(Although I'm cracking that with sheer insistence and apparently routine .... the other saturday morning he rolled over and his hands started wandering and when I wasrned I was on my period still he pouted very cutely and said "but it's Saturday!!".  Lol)

My ex was the same.  His ex before me used sex as a tool, as a reward for good behaviour and didn't like to engage too often in rewarding behaviour.  She also tended to go travelling alone through whole summers.  He didn't know what had hit him when we started dating, I was his "little nymph" and it suited us both just fine.  But when he went back to his Kung Fu training, he started to have real issues in his trousers watching some of the younger prettier members of the class.  He'd never had that before - but seems I'd awoken a lot more than he'd anticipated!

Has anyone else got experience of this?

Not me.  I came from no sex in the marriage to a nympho out of it.  Although they say age has something to do with....as does chemistry obviously.

That's the way I was.  All I could think about was sex, after having barely any for 10 years.
L had a 33 year almost sexless marriage, and that's all he can think about too.

I think everyone is just different.

I definitely learned it.  After six long years of no sex at all, or hardly any, and before that four years of sex that was restrictive of certain normal practices because of "ickiness," I have to say that my libido is not roaring back like I thought it would.

I can still get hard quickly and with iron-like rigidity with porn, though, without even trying to relax.  This kind of bothers me since I'm not nearly so responsive in real life anymore, since I went through that bad break up four years ago.  I don't get hard quickly and rigidly like that even if I really like my partner.  I think it's that I just can't let my guard down anymore.  Real sex with a real human being who might end up hurting me, being a bitch, being an asshole, whatever it is, trying to control me, just makes it more difficult for me to get aroused with abandon anymore.

There's a part of me that now always worries that I'm just getting used.  What the hell turned me into a Catholic prude?

Don't answer that.   I know.  Years of being made to feel sexually unloved.  That's all it took.

Yeah.  That's all it takes. 

Yep. I really agree. Like some of us have said before - the best aphrodisiac is a new partner. I had so many years of being forced to not want sex, forced to be un- or asexual when, in fact, I'm anything but. Even as an old broad.


This makes me furious, hurts me to the core, makes me want to shake the living shit out of the people who do this to another person.

I recently talked to a very good male friend of mine who said, more or less, the same thing. He's understandably hurt and angry that his wife, a woman he truly loves, doesn't want him as often or in the same way he wants her.

She gets him all revved up and then rolls over and goes to sleep. GAWD. Stupid woman. Wanne bet what she'd say if he takes a lover? Or leaves her?

Same crap my ex said to me when I finally left.

WHAT do these people think they are doing to their partners? Do they really believe all this sexual manipulation does not have price tag?