The One and I have been getting along really great the last two weeks.  I'm getting used to her moods and starting to enjoy being able to predict her. 

1) If she's hungry, get food into her ASAP.  It really does make a difference with her mood.  I don't question it anymore.  If she gets abusive, I pretty much figure that she needs some calories and I ignore almost everything and anything she says when she's hungry.  It's working very well;

2) Women talk about feelings.  I guess I never really knew what this meant before.  I have feelings.  I talk about them.  But my feelings answer to facts first.  Hers don't.  When she talks and says some really insulting things, she's talking about her feelings.  I used to take it as fact.  Now I know better.  I don't like to say that I basically ignore her when she's saying mean things when she's talking about her feelings, but the divide between what she knows as fact and what she says are often different.  I don't get insulted anymore and that's working very well, too. 

3) She needs sex.  She's unlike other women I've dated.  I've never been in a relationship who can have sex even if we've just had a disagreement or an argument.  This is new territory for me.  In fact, there are times when we've been disagreeing and then we have great sex and the disagreement gets forgotten.  I like this.  It's much better than having to wait until the disagreement is ironed out and apologies have been forwarded before you can have sex.  It's pretty good.  I even recommend it;

Some other observations:  I'm pretty amazed at how my libido is waking up.  I just posted last week that my libido hadn't come roaring back as I'd expected it to, but I guess I spoke too soon.  We had a great weekend and I don't know what was so different about it, but today, we had sex four times (meaning that we had penetration and I orgasmed four times).  This hasn't happened to me in years.  And I still want more.  It's crazy.

What brought it back?  Well, a number of things, but one totally unexpected thing: a certain condom.  I was complaining that condoms just don't work for me.  We've pulled out and prayed a few times, but even then, I just can't get into it because I worry.  Condoms choke the shyte out of me because I'm girthy.  I get the thing on and start to whither immediately.  Feels like I've put my cock in a vise.  She's not on any birth control, and I won't let her get on any anyway, not that she needs me to forbid it.  She won't get on any either.  So, what to do?  I bought all the large and XL condoms I can find, and they work better, but still, they choke, just less than the smaller ones.

But the other day, she came home with some Trojan extra large "Ecstasy," condoms.  I put one on and it was like "Whoa!"  this thing is comfortable.  I lost no rigidity and when we made love it was as close to the real thing, but even better because mentally I didn't worry at all.  I was able to really just enjoy myself for the first time in a long time and the sex was GREAT.  I didn't worry about lasting long enough with a condom on to achieve orgasm, so I didn't rush anything.  I didn't have to worry about knocking her up, so I didn't pay overmuch attention to anything but how good it felt.  I just worked on making it good for her.  It was AMAZING.  It was like old school sex. 

Aside:  I do think my penis just sort of keeps growing as I get older because normal large condoms felt like these XL ecstasy did years ago and now the normal larges are too tight.

Anyway, because the sex was so so good, my confidence, finally, came roaring back and it was like having sex twenty years ago (almost: I still hadn't lost my virginity yet twenty years ago, but close to it). 

Is my girl a good shopper or what?  I don't know if these condoms are super expensive or what, but I don't care.  They're totally worth it 100%.  To have two condoms within a couple of hours with a condom on?  Unheard of.  Three?  Never been done.  Four?  I'd say you were crazy talking.  Even back in the day the large condoms deadened the sensation enough that twice in a couple of hours was impossible with the condom on.

Then, what was awesome was how my life has changed.  I had to leave my girl naked in bed wanting more because I had to leave to go play rock and roll.  Felt like a total stud today.  Nice.

And, well, let's just say her moods have totally changed.  She's so in love with me now after such an awesome day of hot sex that she was just like a purring kitten all day.  I felt like THE MAN.

Her parents are coming into town tomorrow for a few days visit and it will be nice to be around them with everything going so well.

I guess I just had to brag. 

I still don't know what's going on with her little enema obsession, but we laughed about it today.  I'm still not letting her do one on me.  No way. 

Sounds great EA.

I guess you are THE MAN.

I wonder if she calls you The One to her pals?

Lol.  That sounds cool.

Hi there THE MAN!

Interesting about the talking about feelings thing ... I find myself having to rationalise stuff out to J because even though I say, "this isn't logical, it's just how I feel so I still have to deal with it.." he can take it the wrong way... so it ends up a really lengthy discussion.  For example yesterday he kept asking if I was cross with him, because yes I felt cross and annoyed and although Iget over it quick, he can still tell.  When I explained I was just a bit put out that I'd spent ages waiting for him and trying to get him going to leave his parents, and then when I got into the car and wanted to look at the map (in his city; unfamiliar to me but I was driving) he was quite curt and told me to get moving ... because the gates from the house were opening and we'd not taken the remote with us so we needed to get out quickly.  It was annoying because I was trying to not be wound up at everything going slowly and then I got shouted at for being slow.  It wasn't rational and I got over it but yeah, for five minutes I was pissed.  But even though he asked what was up, and I told him it wasn't logical and I'd get over it, I still had to be told about how it wasn't his fault and what else did I want him to do before the conversation was over.  Mostly I wanted to leave it and I'd be over it.  If we had to discuss it then I needed an acknowledgement that that's how I was feeling but no rationalisation and blaming.

Ok sorry - that was  my own little rant.  But it fitted with what you said.  Even though I am careful to point out when I am being illogical, there is no understanding that his logic won't necessarily make me feel any less pissed!!!

I'm glad that things seem to be settleing down and are going more smoothly.

You know, maybe it was all just a case of crazies because of the speed and emotional level that you guys went to so fast.  I know, I lived it. 

Everyone has their little quirks.  Not  Everyone could live with her quirks, or nutball, (i like that word) ways.   But you seem to acknowledge them, deal with them, and even find some of them endearing or cute, even if you think they are a little weird too.   At least you have taken the time to try and understand her.  You are a special person EA, for doing that.  Alot of guys would just run away.   You have stuck it out and seem to be figureing her out. 

I hope it lasts, and I do hope that she is "The One"   

That's a good strategy, at least.  The One will tell me afterwards that she was just hungry.  I'd gone in thinking it was just a cheap excuse for her to get out of having to be responsible for her feelings, but, well, it's something more in between.  She really can't control it.  But, instead of getting pissed, hurt, or sensitive and sulky because of it, I just know what's going on now, and, the bad part is, it makes me laugh now, which she doesn't quite appreciate either.  However, she told me that when I get sensitive or pouty or whatever I do when she gets on a tear that it turns her off because my reaction isn't manly.  So, I told her that I won't do that anymore and now, I distance myself emotionally so much that Saturday, when she got impatient with me for bagging groceries wrong (I know!  Don't even bother responding) I just laughed and let her do it while I waited.  To me, as an outsider observing, I wouldn't know who was being more dominant: her for refusing to allow me to bag for bagging wrong or me for getting her to bag when I was supposed to (not that that was my intention, but once it started to happen, I went with it.  There was no way I was going to fight for my right to bag groceries.  I have bigger fish to fry)
Anyway, even after all that and some other oddball outbursts, the very next day--without first having resolved anything except that maybe she was hungry during the outbursts--we had the best sex ever and she was really into it like she's never been before, and because she was so into it, so was I.  Maybe it's because instead of trying to talk things out and to reason with her or whatever, which, in restrospect to me seems patronizing, I just dealt with her and let her be who she is so long as she doesn't piss me off too badly, which, I don't think she can anyway because the only way to really, really, really piss me off is to not sleep with me and she likes my cock way too much to do that to me.  I really believe it with her, too.  She's different in bed than other women I've been with.  She's voracious.

In my past relationships, you had to be getting along perfectly to get any sex.  Not the case with this one.  I don't really get it.  This is new territory for me.  Maybe it was because I was so sensitive back then, though.

The way I treat her sometimes still doesn't feel quite right to me.  I don't quite feel like I'm dealing with an adult.  If she's getting cranky because she's hungry, I get visions of a baby in my head wanting the tit.  It kind of boggles my mind that an adult wouldn't be self conscious about behaving so childlike, but she doesn't.  That's just how it is.  Maybe with women in the past, I'd try to make them act more like an adult, but it just doesn't work.  They end up hating you. 

So, maybe I"m getting to know her, maybe I'm just letting her be herself, or maybe I'm just being really sexist and just allowing her to act like a kid at times and even enjoying it because she's got other qualities that outweigh the food temper.  But it's exactly how I'd told myself that if I dated again and crazy shyte started happening, I'd approach it the way I do now since being nice--like trying to understand what I did wrong to make her upset (answer: nothing), being controlling--worrying about my feelings by making her act like an adult because I don't want to deal with the tantrum, and other approaches designed to modify behavior or to put myself or even us first  just makes it worse and it's just how it is.

So, now, I just let her be a spazz as I should have, perhaps, the other women in my life, and if I do, then she appreciates it, so long as we never talk about it.  Because if we talk about it, then she'll feel guilty for acting like a spoiled rotten kid and then she'll think I hate her.

I know.  It's all very confusing.  But it just seems to work. 

If you needed any proof of what works, there's yesterday for me to remember and all the awesome sex.

Hmmm.  I also get very cranky when I'm hungry. Mostly that happens when things are out of my control.  Like the weekend - J's parents seem to eat breakfast and then go out for late dinner at about 7.  I just cannot survive that long, especially when I am being expected to deal with hungover or tired J.  Or go for a helathy walk!

Cranky because of hungry is precursor to me passing out hungry.  It's a family trait.  I guess it's evolutionary or something!

It all still sounds extremely dysfunctional to me, but if you're happy EA, that's all that matters. 

All relationships are dysfunctional in some ways.  I guess I'm making peace with that and just letting The One be herself so long as I can take it.  It's not the ideal, but a lot of it is, so why throw the baby out with the bath water?  I've had one requirement all along, though, that I've never really gotten out of a long term relationship and for me it makes all the difference: you gotta make me laugh.  The One makes me bust my gut when she isn't pissing me off.

I know I sound like a girl to say it, but it's true.  The girlfriends I've missed the most were the ones with whom I could laugh with a lot.  If there's a lot of laughter, I can be very forgiving.  I think it's just human nature.  My ex and I never had belly laughter together, except maybe once or twice, whereas The One and I will die laughing from either something I've said or something she's said almost every day and often many times in one day.  My ex just really didn't have a sense of humor because she was so p.c.

The One is growing on me a lot.  She's a character for real.  She's certainly entertaining to be around.  And now that she's let up with the insecurity routine that was making us fight all the time three weeks ago, it's really been great.  I think she was just pushing buttons.  Or, what she's doing, is figuring out how to get attention out of me without being a shit, which is good.  She still wants/needs a lot of attention, but I think she's figuring out that if she's nice to me and cool she'll just get it, and if she's a crank, she won't.

For example, we've had arguments about massages before because I don't like to give them.  That's really because I used to give them to my ex and get nothing in return, hardly a thank you.  The One tried to get demandy on me with a massage and I let her know that that absolutely was not going to work with me at all and it led to a huge fight and some of the things that were said were things that she had a hard time getting over (though, I think she was nursing it a bit).

Anyway, yesterday, I happily gave her a full body massage for about an hour just because she's been so awesome lately.  She complains at times that I withhold love if she's being an ass and that I shouldn't do that, but that's just advice that psychologists give to adults who are parenting children, not adults who are dealing with each other and trying to establish reward-based behavior.  And even then, I'm not trying to set up reward-based behavior.  To me, it's much simpler: piss me off and you don't get a massage becauase I don't feel like it.  It's got nothing to do with rewarding someone else or not.  It has everything to do with me not being in the mood because you're an asshole and you don't deserve one from me.  Also, I won't enjoy it under those conditions.  Under yesterday's conditions, I really enjoyed it and was very happy to do it.

I read this a few days ago and read some of the old thread about The One.

Finally, all I can think is that I spent so damn many years with a partner who used sex or even just "being in a good mood" as a weapon, always the carrot and the stick, reward or punishment, if he ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, I don't ever want to dance to that immature and demanding tune again.

OTOH, what working mom says is really the bottom line - If you're happy, if you're both getting what you need from the other, who am I to question that?

And, I do hope you are both getting and giving what you need to. Life is too damn short to settle for anything less.

Still good EA?  Did you make it thru another cycle?  Was she better dispositioned this time?