Sang,

You make a VERY good point when you mention age!

I think 20 somethings can hang out as mixed genders as friends but once you reach the 30s and 40s and are married, that kind of changes.  I won't say you can't have good oppostie sex friends as I know many people do, its just more complicated.

I have friends who are couples and they go on vacations together, hang out in hot tubs together, etc.  The males will hang out with the females if the spouses aren't there and its totally accepted and approved.  Not sure if anything "deviant" is happening but it could be and just approved by all involved?  I really don't know...

Yea, that describes me...lol  I have gotten the ocassional sideways glares from women that I don't know.  I just ignore them.  But I know what you are saying.  It's not something that I want to happen.  I am very careful how I conduct myself because I do have big boobs and am blonde.  I hate the sterotype.  It helps that I own a business and everyone knows me. 

But that being said, I like to have fun, and you can't let the "proper" women dictate how you act.   If they don't like it they can shove it...    But I never, I repeat never, flirt with a married man, well except L, and his wife was 700 miles away and I didn't think I would ever see him again.  And now, I don't flirt at all, i've forgotten how to..

Oh, and thanks MC for the compliment!

Ahh, yes...I remember those as well....the pic I mean.     Lovely indeed.
Although, it's been awhile.....

I don't ever remember being attracted to any of my guy friends...except for maybe when I was drunk and having a good time.  I even lived with one for years and nothing ever happened. He was like my brother.

Hope it goes well for you tonight DD.  Have 1 for me!

Well....   I think 20 somethings THINK they can be "just friends", but once you reach the 30s and 40s you realize that there's almost always an element of the sexual between the sexes, whether you admit it or not. 

That's just so sad to me, but I think it's true! 

I hate getting old!!!  It's not fair.  You guys are all pretty split on your feelings on this..... definitely a "grey area" and I think it all depends on the strength/dynamics of the couple in question. 

I'll let you know how it goes tonight.  I really do think the guy is innocent and naive enough not to see any harm in it...but if his wife does not know, then I think that's suspect. 

I hope it goes well and there is nothing fishy happening. Personally if I was his wife I'd wanna meet you. If I met you and felt comfortable and like nothing was going on I'd be fine with you both hanging out alone. Least I'd like to think so. And I expect the same from A. I wouldn't keep it a secret that I was going or who with, nor would I usually stop him from joining or at least meeting allowing A to meet the guy. If A kept it secret or was hesitant about me meeting the woman or tagging along I'd be much more uncomfortable about it all.

*snort*.  Wasn't this about a fishing trip ....?

Heehee ... sorry I'll go and chuckle in my corner

Well, you know, I kind of have a double standard about all of this.  I do think that there is sexual tension is nearly every male/female relationship, though I can say that as a supervisor of many woman, let's just say that the strong almost blinding sudden desire to shove something up the ass of someone you supervise does not count as sexual tension.

To bring up The One again, why, didn't we just have a conversation today about some guy she dated for a while before we met, someone whom she met on the computer, along with two or three others with whom she keeps in contact just sending the occasional email, whatever and I just started asking her some questions.  She says that she likes to keep in contact with people whom she dated because she doesn't want to be the kind of person who avoids being friends with single people of the opposite sex just because her life is settled, etc.

Now, I see that.  There are plenty of successful couples who have single friends.  My sister and my brother in law have tons of single friends.  Of course, they've all met each other and if they go out individually with their single friends, it's all very healthy.  I suppose it's a matter of lifestyle.

Where I get nervous and jumpy about having single female friends of my own is because I have never had a girlfriend who truly was cool with me going out with a female friend on our own--and I can't hardly imagine a wife being really cool about it.  I can definitely see a wife acting like she'd be cool about it, but the classic move is for passive-aggression to raise its ugly head.  I've had women play the 20 questions game with me and it gets really annoying because the person now seems like they're really not cool with it. But yet, there's my sister and brother-in-law who have their opposite sex friends no problem (at least as far as I know.)

As I said in my first post, though, risk lies everywhere at every turn and you just have to go into things with an open mind and keep your own integrity intact. 

The One says that you get to know people when you're single in ways that you can't get to know them when you're married.  That's true with opposite sex friends for the most part, I think, unless you tend to avoid any intimate discussion with oppostie sex friends even when you're single.  So, for example, if you just like to have friends to play golf with and that's all there is to it, then well there probably really is no difference if you're married or single.  But, if you love to go to the movies and sit in the dark, drink coffee and go on and on into the night about deep philosophical meanderings, maybe you're risking something there, or not.  Could be that if you love golf so much, though, you may be as inspired to make love to your friend by a perfect swing as a poet would about the perfect interpretation.

In the end, it's all about risk I suppose.  What are you comfortable with?  Where are your boundaries? 

For me, I hate how much work relationships seem to be when you're not single.  It's not just that your relationship with your spouse becomes complicated;they all become complicated.  Same sex friends can't just come over or you can't just go out with them.  There's no way you can anymore have a blast just sitting down and throwing down some drinks all night with the very pretty but irascible and cantankerous 23 year-old girl across the street on a total whim.  Even talking on the phone at home with family, sometimes, if the spouse is around, can seem rude or just inconvenient.

Well, went for drinks last night and all was totally fine.  We're kicking ass on a really important project that will hopefully benefit the community for years to come. 

A few minutes into it, I felt silly for being so paranoid.  I just decided I can and will be friends with married men-- their wives be damned.  I find it interesting that I became so protective of her, when I don't even know her.  She can come if she wants, or she doesn't have to.  Why should I give a shit?  That's between her and him.   

Plus, even if there is sexual tension in a male/female relationship of any type, I'm emotionally intelligent/evolved enough to control and ignore those baser instincts. 

That's my conclusion. 

Good for you Double D!

I guess I was wrong about the guy as if I was the guy, I know I would have ulterior motives.  But thats just because I have become a male pig who is looking for fun.  He must have it good at home.

Maybe you need to meet his wife sometime?  I say that as no matter how you and he feel, I bet there will be some angst from her if you all hang out frequently and she is left out.

WHEW!

You just scared the stuffin's outta me.

About the OP - we have single and married friends and most of the people he works with are women. I never think about it one way or the other.

I always felt that way with the ex too.

I figure a man will be faithful to me because he wants to. Not because I'm watching him.

(The ex wasn't faithful to me.)

Most of hubby's friends are women. I wonder sometimes but he's such a prude with so little interest in sex that I don't think he'd cheat. Most of my friends are guys but are too far away for me to cheat with. And I suppose it's a double standard - I'd consider cybersex cheating if he did it but have contemplated it myself. I was hurt when he went out with a female friend of his and he didn't ask me along - I didn't even know about it until the day before it happened and I don't think he was planning on telling me about it.

I'd almost be relieved if he cheated - at least he'd show some interest in sex and I'd know it was just me he wasn't interested in.

I remember feeling some of the same.  I didn't know he was or had cheated, doubted he masturbated, just seemed like he was dead to any kind of feeling. Still don't know when he became impotent but finally, none of it mattered any more.

Don't let it get to that point. I think that's the worst of all - I finally just felt (mostly) indifferent.

Oh good.
I'm glad it all worked out fine.

I think it also depends on when in your life you met your friends of the opposite sex, too--a lot of my good guy friends are from my late teens and early twenties.  We knew eachother before we all settled down, and because of some unique circumstances most of them ended up marrying women I was already acquainted with (we were a big group of au pairs in Switzerland, and met a big group of engineering praktikants and foreign students....so now I have a whole bunch of friends who married eachother, basically--3 or 4 couples in total).  In the most extreme circumstance, one of my best friends from highschool (male) and I lived together for the whole four years I was in university, two and a half of those with his now-fiancee, who I introduced him to.  He was my witness at our wedding, and is one of the best friends I've ever had. 

I would never in a single minute feel uncomfortable hanging out with any of these guys, and I know that their wives/girlfriends don't mind--in some cases I'm equally as close to both, but in most cases I met the men first, and got to know the girlfriends a bit later. 

I think when you have relationships forged early, out of mutual circumstances, and have a fun shared history you tend to "stay" in that place with those people.  Dunno, maybe that's just me.  I haven't really run into an issue with the whole male/female thing with C except in one situation, and we got over that pretty quickly.