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Topic: Wifely Duties  (Read 20123 times)
BluesGuy
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« on: August 20, 2008, 04:45:39 PM »

Prompted by Readin' and Writin' and Lovin' in the blog.

The phrase "wifely duty" has for at least three generations implied that sex was required in marriage.  What is a wife's sexual responsibility to her husband?  What are the husband's sexual responsibilities? 
« Last Edit: September 03, 2008, 11:42:08 AM by BluesGuy » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2008, 12:51:24 PM »

Responsibilities? What responsibilities? And what wifely duties?

There are no wifely duties and there are no sexual responsibilities.
 Making love is not a chore, its not a duty. It is the foundation of the emotions between a couple. Emotions are not negotiable I'm afraid. One either has them for the other, or not.

Should it become a "duty" I would say, to hell with it.
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« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2008, 06:49:21 PM »

Should it become a "duty" I would say, to hell with it.

Unfortunately, some of us live with women who've already said "to hell with it."  Frankly, I'd prefer that she consider occasionally taking care of my needs one of her responsibilities.
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Sanguinista
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« Reply #3 on: August 25, 2008, 02:21:02 PM »

Responsibilities? What responsibilities? And what wifely duties?

There are no wifely duties and there are no sexual responsibilities.

I beg to differ - respectfully, of course!  I think when you are in a LTR, especially a marriage, you have a responsibility to each other.  You have a responsibility to care for the family unit, to nurture the relationship, to be a partner to your partner. 

It goes both ways. 

I'm not saying "lie back and think of England" - I'm saying that planning for and expending effort on keeping your sexual relationship healthy is just as important as budgeting, retirement planning, decorating the parlor, and deciding where you're going to spend Christmas. 

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« Reply #4 on: August 29, 2008, 04:34:55 AM »

Responsibilities? What responsibilities? And what wifely duties?

There are no wifely duties and there are no sexual responsibilities.

I beg to differ - respectfully, of course!  I think when you are in a LTR, especially a marriage, you have a responsibility to each other.  You have a responsibility to care for the family unit, to nurture the relationship, to be a partner to your partner.

Ofcourse.
What I meant is that the responsibility to care should arise from inside the wife, not added to her chore list. It should be a result of her loving feelings for her husband, is this better articulated? Its not supposed to be a duty, in the literal sense of the word, nor a responsibility again in the literal sense of the word. I agree completely with what you say.

Also, I'd like to add, that in my opinion the fate of a long term relationship is 95% up to the wife/girlfriend. Perhaps this is food for another topic though Smiley
« Last Edit: August 29, 2008, 04:36:36 AM by Eternal Sunshine » Logged
kellybean
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« Reply #5 on: September 03, 2008, 07:08:59 AM »

Wifely Duties huh?  Is that term still around?

I think its sad when it becomes a chore. Hopefully the couple can pull it together and put the passion back into their love.

I think it's a wifely duty to...pay the bills on time, feed the children and husband, make sure the homework gets done, I'd even go as far as making sure everyone has clean clothes....but I would not call making love a duty.  It's been awhile since I've heard that term, and I still snub my nose to it.

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« Reply #6 on: September 03, 2008, 12:30:08 PM »

I don't know if I would call it a "duty" since I'm having way too much fun for that term BUT

as far as responsibilities go, if a woman wants to stay married, she better make fun and exciting sex a frequent priority.  And so should the husband.
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« Reply #7 on: September 06, 2008, 09:22:32 PM »

If it ever gets to a stage where your partner truly doesn't want to sleep with you anymore, surely the relationship is as good as over. Obviously as people get older the body may have more of a say than the brain, but in healthy adults who are still able, I'd say that if one partner (woman or man) is genuinely uninterested in the other, it is all over.
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Not.So.New_Explorer
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« Reply #8 on: September 06, 2008, 10:42:17 PM »

I've heard that phrase for as long as I can remember. It's definitely rooted in the middle of last century, if not earlier.

While I agree that sex should stem from love, I guess I think that, if it is for some reason NOT stemming, it should still be a priority. I don't think people should throw in the towel just because something isn't coming naturally. WHo's to say that after a period of "duty" and working on the marriage/problems, that the desire won't come back?

If it ALWAYS has to be some "deeply felt and honest motivation", then someone's going to get hurt.

If it is ALWAYS a "duty" and a chore, then someone is also getting hurt. But if it is a healthy mix of the two throughout a lifetime together, I don't see anything wrong with that.
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« Reply #9 on: September 07, 2008, 07:56:07 AM »

I think it goes both ways.  Funny many of us have heard the term "wifely duties" but you don't often hear "husbandly duties".

Like every facet of a relationship-- some things come extremely naturally and others you have to work at...the same i would say goes for sex for both involved, no matter if you're in a hetero- or homosexual relationship. Shocker, it takes effort!  The sad part is while I'm laying down the sarcasm pretty thick, some really ARE shocked.

I see where Sunshine is coming from...yes it takes effort, as I mentioned, and it should be high on your priority list- but if it becomes a durging chore just "doing it" for the partner is not going to make anything better.

Simply, you have to have a vested interest in your partners well-being. that includes sex.
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Tonglen Guy
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« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2008, 05:39:19 PM »

Hope I don't offend anyone with this post, but I feel pretty strongly about this.

If I'm not wanted I'll do without. A woman may not insult me with mercy sex and above all, may not lay claim to a sense of virtue by abandoning her husband.
 
I don't want to be "tolerated." I need to be hungered after. Anything less is just another kind of hundred dollar bounce. As a man, I view the idea of a treating a sexual relationship as a "wifely duty" as a slap in the face.

I'll go further and suggest that any woman who believes this is about "duty" - and that "doing her duty" is any different from rejecting her husband outright - is lliving in a dream world. She is accomplishing nothing, has nothing to be proud of, has given him nothing, intends to give him nothing and has rationalized herself into a corner to keep from facing the fact that she has squandered another person's life. She has become a "clean" prostitute; she traffics in his hopelessness.

There's no middle ground. Either really mean it or get out of my sight.
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kellybean
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« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2008, 06:06:04 PM »

I think the woman's liberals like you TG  Wink 
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« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2008, 06:15:36 PM »

Woof. Snort. snarl. wag wag wag.
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« Reply #13 on: September 23, 2008, 06:35:44 PM »

Hope I don't offend anyone with this post, but I feel pretty strongly about this.

If I'm not wanted I'll do without. A woman may not insult me with mercy sex and above all, may not lay claim to a sense of virtue by abandoning her husband.
 
I don't want to be "tolerated." I need to be hungered after. Anything less is just another kind of hundred dollar bounce. As a man, I view the idea of a treating a sexual relationship as a "wifely duty" as a slap in the face.

I'll go further and suggest that any woman who believes this is about "duty" - and that "doing her duty" is any different from rejecting her husband outright - is lliving in a dream world. She is accomplishing nothing, has nothing to be proud of, has given him nothing, intends to give him nothing and has rationalized herself into a corner to keep from facing the fact that she has squandered another person's life. She has become a "clean" prostitute; she traffics in his hopelessness.

There's no middle ground. Either really mean it or get out of my sight.


I've avoided this thread because I just couldn't quite come up with the  words to describe exactly what you have said here. I've been in a marriage that "trafficked in hopelessness"  and while I have some other thoughts I might add at some time in the future, yep - you have about covered it.
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« Reply #14 on: September 24, 2008, 08:41:38 AM »

Well said TG! Totally agree, sex is not a wifely duty. Those are things like dishes and cooking and cleaning if they are a stay at home mom/wife. Sex is not a duty, it is done out of love because you want to and you want to feel close and connected with your partner, not because you feel you owe them something. If I'm really not in the mood, I WILL turn him down. If I'm not in the mood but know he can get me in the mood, I'll play a little hard to get and he'll start kissing my neck etc to get me in the mood. But will never do it because I feel I owe him something, or it's my duty to do so. If he did something sweet I'd pay him back by doing housework or giving him a massage, or sending him for a professional one. Or cooking him dinner, take him out for dinner...many other things that can be done.
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