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Topic: Life Saving Sex  (Read 5086 times)
« Reply #15 on: December 19, 2008, 02:13:49 PM »

To me I knew it was over, just needed a reason to get out and someone who would be there to support me and help me through it.

There's a term for that: swinging from vine to vine.  A lot of people look down on that, but, you know, it might be the way we're really built to do it.  I left my ex, determined to be on my own and determined not to go from vine to vine and, in the process, found myself stigmatized for being single.  Seems people are a lot more understanding if they're going to try to take you away from something that isn't working as opposed to taking you away from nothing.  It's a lot less sexy, I guess.

On the other hand, I really have enjoyed my time as a single guy.  As MC2 says, it could be quite some time.  I know for me that it's been over two years.  You know what?  It really isn't all that bad.  It's not nearly as bad as I'd thought it would be.  I guess I don't really have any personal problem with being on my own and in a lot of ways, I like it better.

Problem is, I'm so not used to getting laid anymore that it doesn't automatically work just because I get naked with someone and I'm finding that women aren't as understanding about it as I was when they had the issues.  Oh well, so be it.  Guess I'm just going to have to keep putting myself in the situation to get laid over and over again until things start happening for me/working right.  Sink or swim, I suppose.  I've been sinking, but I'll swim eventually.

I just think it's funny how the last few women have just not been able to deal with it at all, if that's even what the problem was.  The last one berated me so badly over it that I thought it was the problem, but she was so maniacal and loony about everything to the point where she was faulting me for being a red-head that God knows what her deal was.

I'm already on to the next one, though.  We'll see.  I'm a lot more reserved these days and am learning a lot.  I'm glad I'm single instead of having stayed in that old relationship for so many reasons.  I feel like I've grown a lot, even if it hasn't all been a bed of roses.  It certainly hasn't been dull.

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« Reply #16 on: December 19, 2008, 03:25:52 PM »

Funny icychic I was very much the serial monogamist too until a year ago.  The most recent ex started with just sex.  And it was because I couldn't be alone.  I had been left by someone I was head over heels in love with and had my life planned out with and I was just stunned, and I couldn't cope with being on my own and so I turned to him (a friend) and found a physical comfort there.  It turned into more, but although we were companions, best friends, did everything together and had a fantastic and exciting physical relationship there was never a sense of "us", a sense of where we were going as a couple or of that we had a future as a couple - he always said "I'm not going anywhere any time soon" if I pushed him. 
Just as much as the relationship without the sex hurts, the sex without the love to go with it hurts just as much.  I turned to him because I just felt unable to stand on my own.  In a way he got me through to a point where it was better to be on my own.  But the issues that came with being with someone with whom the main connection and show of affection was sex and physical affection have stayed with me a lot longer than I expected. 
Right now I would really really love someone to share day to day life with.  But being alone is ok and has made me so much stronger.
Having said that, it's also made me more aware of the value of friendship and companionship over sex. Except that, reallly, those should come together.
I ramble.  There was a point in there somewhere  - I can't see it now!

When I use a word, it means exactly what I want it to mean - neither more, nor less. (Lewis Carrol)
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« Reply #17 on: December 19, 2008, 03:30:06 PM »

Just read your post too EA. 

I agree with you that it's harder to go from being single to relationship than relationship to relationship ...

I'm way too precious about my space, both mental and physical, nowadays.  I LIKE to meet someone.  But I've got picky, I'm not about to share my hard fought for independence of character and mind and strength of opinion and will with just anyone.  Even if they are great in bed Smiley

When I use a word, it means exactly what I want it to mean - neither more, nor less. (Lewis Carrol)
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« Reply #18 on: December 20, 2008, 07:52:25 AM »

I've said a few times that I'm gonna try being single a while. Like when I first left my ex I was 100% done. And then we started talking again, had one good talk one night where both of us thought it'd be talking and me leaving, but the damn chemistry was still there and I ended up sleeping with him :S I don't regret it though because he says me getting back with him for those couple months gave him the strength he needed to go to treatment. He's still back into at least some of the shit again but I dunno.

I just don't like being alone I guess. But I'm also not wanting to stay in a relationship that isn't working. But I feel bad if I try to end it which I know I shouldn't but I need a good reason behind it. Thats why I'm glad I ended up going up for my current BFs bday (just a friend at the time) when my ex (BF at the time) was in treatment for like a month. We hit it off that night and things just kinda went from there. I don't have any regrets in my life because while life could be better, it could also be worse. For the most part I'm happy and the rest I can deal with and is all fixable really. Mostly financial things which are fixable like I said.

I'm hoping this is the last relationship for me. I want things to work out and so far he still treats me great. And from what he says about his dad and how he wants to be, he's gonna, and has been, doing everything he can to make my life better financial and non-financially.

I think it would be nice sometimes to be alone and independent, but at the same time I really don't like being alone. I don't like living alone (even if it means just living with a random roommate). I just like the compansionship and having someone to spend time with really is what it comes down to. Maybe if I had more single friends it'd be different too, but most of my good friends have been coupled up with people pretty much like me too.

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